I won’t deny it: I have been busy these months and my mind was with other things than blogging and the like. Big changes have occurred and I’m trying to find a new rhythm, a new balance, a new pace in this new way of life. University life has started, from now on I’m a student focusing on the field of international development. I move between two places that feel like different lives and I try to combine the two into one, dealing with my wanderlust at the same time. Good things happen. New friends and interesting people introduce themselves, I discover a new area of the country, I go to Amnesty movie nights and yoga classes and magazine commission meetings in an attempt to shape myself into the person I want to become, finally having the space for that. I can feel myself growing.
Though, “Even under the best circumstances, there’s just something so damn tragic about growing up.” (Jonathan Tropper)
I have two homes now, one old and one new, the first feeling different than before and the latter feeling exciting but still strange. I find myself wondering, is my real home within me? The need to express my feelings through all sorts of media has grown bigger over the last year, and I’m happy that my gap year gave me all the space I wished for. After struggling through high school freedom was what I needed. I discovered myself. Among other things, I painted, wrote, made music and I wonder how I can keep doing all of this now busy life has started again. Though I’m a determined person, as a dear friend of mine said. I will find my way, and I’m lucky that my study isn’t the most hardest, busiest of all. I just have to find a new rhythm, a new balance, that is all. If there is one thing I’m sure of, it is this: although I decided not to go into arts, I will never allow myself to become the serious, boring, ‘proper’ adult that fits in.
“I am half child, half ancient.” (Björk)
Over the last half a year I have been keeping a gratitude journal. Every day before I went to sleep I wrote down the things I had been thankful for. I hope this will keep my eyes and heart open for beauty and inspiration, even when the focus in my life is on more serious things for a while. This week’s gratefulness:
1. Mulberry vanilla raw chocolate
2. ‘Desert Flower’ by Waris Dirie, which I’m reading, and the fact that I’m, thankgod, not circumcised
3. Chai latte @ Bagels & Beans with a friend
4. A girl that guarantees good laughs and serious talks, and the feeling of being understood
5. An evening spent watching tv on the couch with my family
6. Late summer days
Lastly, if you’d like to you can follow me on Instagram from now on. I see my posts on there as the things I’m thankful for, too.